Saturday, November 13, 2010

A trip to Wal-Mart and a Foot in the Mouth

Last night, The Viking and I took the plunge and ventured to Wal-Mart. It was my idea, solely based on the fact that my friend Mary said she leaves the place with a month's worth of food for a family of four for under $100. The caveat? She buys America's Value, essentially, the Wal-Mart brand.

It's only been ten days since The Viking moved in and my cupboards were getting bare. He's a big boy - 6'3 and about 225 lbs. And he likes meat. No, LOVES meat. I for instance, as sad as it is, could live off microwavable food and Ramen noodles. I have quickly learned, that won't cut it for The Vik.

Figuring if Mary could leave the dreaded Wal-Mart satisfied that her family won't go hungry, we gave it a shot. Let me say, it wasn't AS bad as we thought. It was clean and fairly empty (minus the grocery part of course.) In a mission to locate sugar-free cookies for his father for Thanksgiving, one guy proceeded to help me locate and find the "best-tasting" cookies. "Thanks," I said, surprised by his helpfulness. Later, that same guy even helped me locate sugar-free Crystal Light - also for The Vik's dad in two weeks.

With our cart full of meat and as Mary suggested, an assortment of "America's Value" products, we headed to the check-out line. The conveyor belt could have been a little larger but our check-out lady had lighting fast hands. Anyway, while checking-out that very helpful guy comes up behind us and begins to make conversation. I could tell The Viking felt a little uncomfortable. This dude, although he meant well, was a little awkward and just a tad odd.

"Nice to run into you all again," he said.

The Vik smiles.

"I assume you're married. This is your wife?" he gestures to me.

We aren't married but hearing someone say that sent a surge through my body. I could see The Vik shift his footing. "Ah, not yet." he said quickly.

"Well, congratulations," the guy said.

Congratulations? Odd that he would say that. I continue to pull groceries out of the cart.

The guy then tells us that he's single and "still playing the dating game."

"So she does all the cooking?" he asks.

"NO!" I exclaim as if he knew my aversion to the kitchen. The Viking giggles. Knowing my kitchen phobia, he says, "No, I do."

And here's the kicker.....

"You do?" The stranger asks surprised. "Well, what is she good for then?"

WHAT??!!! I couldn't believe this dude was saying that in front of me! I bit my tongue. The Viking was clearly uncomfortable and tells the guy I'm good at cleaning.

My response? "Nocturnal activities." I don't think he got it.

Walking to the car, we both thought the dude had a lot of nerve to say what he did. "Probably why he's still single," The Vik said.

Yeah, but boy, it really sucks to have a stranger make you contemplate your abilities. So today, I cleaned the shit out of my house. Take that buck-o!

Anyone else have strange Wal-Mart encounters? I can't wait until our next trip. Oh and by the way, we left with a bill of $140 and that included a turkey for Thanksgiving, some cleaning supplies and wax for our cars. Not bad Wal-Mart, not bad.

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